Smiling
by FeralPirate
Summary: The war ended and now Harry is bored at school- not having to worry about being killed around every corner. And to cope with the boredum he's pulling a few tricks and here are a few.
1. Chapter 1

Smiling

By FeralPirate

A/N: I don't own these characters, but I do own this plot- so that's a good thing right? I was bored and I wrote this, it isn't a real story. I just hope it makes you smile.

"You wanted to see me sir?" The young student asked at the door way, his hand lingering on the door handle in an unspoken prayer that he wasn't called for.

Alas, Snape nodded and motioned to a chair across his desk. Harry groaned inwardly and slowly shuffled to the chair and slumped down, lifting his head barely to see his professor through his hair. Snape opened up a drawer and lifted something out.

"Please explain what this is," Snape said in his low tone.

"A… uh… a paintball gun, sir."

"And please explain to me, Mr. Potter, how exactly Peeves got a hold of it."

"You suspect that I had-"

"Mr. Potter, I have asked every other student who has access to muggle objects; I would suspect the Weasely twins but seeing they both are gone."

"On what grounds are you accusing me?!"

"My gut."

"Your gut," Harry scoffed. "You gut is not hard evidence, hard yes, but not hard evidence."

Snape blushed and scowled.

"Well, you did poke a Hufflepuff with a spoon-"

"ON A BET!" Harry glared. "Which if I remember correctly came from yo-"

"You drew the dark mark on Mr. Weasely's arm when he fell asleep!"

"That was funny," Harry chuckled.

"I heard you started a death pool."

Harry nodded. "I heard that too."

Snape cocked an eyebrow. "Condoms with lotion thrown on the ceilings."

Harry giggled. "Sure, lotion,"

"And I believe in all the bathrooms you cannot see the ceiling because of toilet paper which I pray wasn't used being up there along with the condoms."

Harry smiled. "And all of this is due to your gut?"

"The passing out of Magic Eight Balls along with some fictional writing by one J.K Rouw-lling… er… roll-ing… some muggle- and claiming that it is a prophetic book!"

"Uh, about that-"

"Getting students to randomly bust out in dance and sing 'The Chicken Song' during breaks."

Harry laughed outright. "Yeah, I admit that one, Dean helped me with that one. It was just supposed to be Gryffindors, but I am shocked how quickly the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs picked up on it. And, you want to know a real secret? I saw some Slytherins doing it too."

Snape gasped.

"We're also working on one for the Numa Numa song." Harry nodded.

"Which reminds me- are you playing the end of Tchaikovsky's 1812 overture before I comment a non-Slytherin?"

"And in whenever a mass of Gryffindors is walking down the halls charming the suits of armor to jump down and chase after the Slytherins, charming stacks of books the Ravenclaws carry to return to the library to reshelf themselves, and charming the Hufflepuffs robes to buzz like a swarm of bees."

"I suspect you also started a beauty contest for drag!" Snape pointed his finger viciously.

Harry nodded. "I admit that too, we're not all straight and let's face it, I get bored and want to look at other people too."

Snape growled. "You're only allowed to look at me damnit!"

"Sorry sir, I don't think you'd fit in the contest, the hair- have your checked your staff mailbox lately? Look for blue bottles- they say they can extract some of the grease to fuel the fries fryer at the closest McDonalds! The nose- which I do like by the way, but others don't. You'd scare my contestants and judges away," Harry stood. "If that's all sir, I need to go and get the KY jelly all set up in the Room of-" Harry stopped and looked back, but Snape was nowhere to be seen. "Awesome."

So that was my first fic in a long time, sort of a Snarry. Umm, The Chicken Song was supposedly written by AFI and can be veiwed at - one of my favorite song LOL. I may add later chapters when I think of more things to add, so I will list this as a WIP. Please review.


	2. Chapter 2

Smiling

Chapter two

A/N: I meant to add a link to the Chicken Song. Here is the link now, please take out all the spaces: http // www. youtube. com / watch?vynqyoV4KkY

I hope you enjoy my stories! Please, if you have time, review and let me know how I am doing- or maybe even some ideas ;P

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'Mr. Pottter, please meet with me in my office after dinner. –Headmaster Dumbledore'

Harry grumbled as he walked the empty halls that lead to the Headmaster's office, he crumpled the piece of parchment up and shoved it in his pocket. He knew exactly what this was about but he didn't think it'd ever catch the eye of the headmaster- or if anything, that it would make the headmaster at least laugh. But to call him to an after dinner meeting, that was never good.

A group of last minute Gryffindors from dinner passed him in the hall. Upon seeing Harry they all busted out dancing and singing the Numa Numa song. Harry danced as well, as the portraits on the wall clapped and danced within their frames. When the group turned the hall, the singing died and Harry continued on his way as though nothing has never happened, eliciting a few chuckles from the paintings.

He stood before the stone gargoyle and thought for a moment. 'Bittersweet honey, no, no, that was last week's. Chocolate canons, no, no, that's not it either. Lemon drops- oh but that's much too popular these days in every fan fiction- but speaking of Lemon Drops, that bar in the States sure does make a mean Lemon Drop, I gotta go back there soon. Hot tamales, no, that's what I brought for him, I wonder if he's ever had them. The Swedish Fish I brought for him last time he really enjoyed those. And the Sour Straws, oh he loved those-'

"Are you going to say something or what?!" the gargoyle demanded.

"Or what," Harry replied as he went back to his thinking. 'Butter pickles, oh bread and butter pickles sounds really good right now. Maybe on some rye with a side of butterbeer, oh yeah, oh, with a sugared croissant as an after, yes that is very yummy.'

"You do know he knows that you are here and is watching you, right?"

Harry looked up at the stone statue. "Then let me in."

"Password."

"That's what I thought you over bearing stone excuse of a-"

The statue sprung away and Harry hopped on the stairs, slowly making his way up. The door was open and Harry walked in to see the headmaster with his back to him.

"Harry," Dumbledore started. "I am a little concerned with your sanity."

Exasperated, Harry huffed, "Well, nearly dying of a madman whose been chasing you for the last lifetime is a bit cause for concern- the fact that I stood him down alone didn't help- the fact that I died and came back to life didn't exactly help either. Then there are the Death Eaters that were around every corner and came so close to killing me- I LOST COUNT AT A THOUSAND ATTEMPTS. Then the fact that I have had to put up with the abuse, mental, physical, and emotional and even though you will not acknowledge it, sexual- I had dealt with at the hands of the Dursley family was never a positive thing. The fellow student body at this school has never given me exactly praise because they fear the fact that I am stronger and more famous and they hate that- oh I am not saying everyone, but a lot of people. Remember the Triwizard incident? Oh I was top of everyone's hate list and there was a Death Pool on me!!"

"Yes I was aware of that." Dumbledore mumbled. "But no, that is not why I question your sanity. It has been brought to my attention that you and your fellow duet- though how you got Ms. Granger to do this along with you two is utterly and totally beyond me so maybe I should be questioning her sanity to…"

Harry felt the tips of his lips twitch and start to head north. 'So this is what it's about.'

Dumbledore turned slowly and removed his pointy hat, which Harry reminded himself to ask the man about the pointy hat trick. Harry gasped he was SO wrong about this meeting; AND someone was going to be in a lot of trouble. Thank whatever Gods may be that it wasn't going to him… he hoped.

"What exactly is the meaning of this?" He pointed to his head. Where long white locks and beard had once been now there was nothing, someone had shaved it all off- and had even gone the extra mile, though how, Harry doubted he'd ever know, and took a razor and shaved the stubble all the way down to the skin. It had to be manual since magical shaving was a little too rough to be carried out whilst someone was asleep.

"Er…" Harry couldn't stop staring.

"I know you were going around shaving people's heads."

Harry nodded. "Because Professor Snape said I could no longer draw the Dark Mark on their arms."

"And I heard of the D. A. D. A. pool, the condoms and the poking of Hufflepuffs has ceased."

"Yeah to the first two,"

Dumbledore blinked. "Harry, my boy, what has gotten into you? You were never like this." He emphasized by pointing to his head.

"One: I didn't do that sir, yes I shave heads, but down to the skin- well, maybe some Slytherins but NEVER the liege- I mean, NEVER the Headmaster!"

"Ah yes, about that- don't call me that. And kindly ask the others to refrain from it too."

"I'm a savior, not a god. They don't listen to me." He thought a moment. "Correction, they don't listen to me all the time." Harry smiled. "Two: as to what has gotten into me- sir, how old am I? What the hell have I been through all of my life? Now look around you sir, the war is over, the Death Eaters are… well…" He smiled as he thought of a small stone shed in the middle of nowhere, with one toilet, no windows, no doors and absolutely no way out; with a boombox enchanted to play 'I Love You, You Love Me' by that one purple dinosaur over and over and over until the end of time. God love undisclosed and unplotable locations at times like these. "I wonder if any of them are alive, I better go check sometime soon."

"What was that?" Dumbledore asked.

"Nothing sir, anyways, I am finally normal. Normal being I can revert to a way, since I cannot 'revert back', that I should have been. I should never have been a pawn in your game or a savior to people who are too incorrigible in the first place. I finally get to be me- and seeing who I am related too, who I grew up around, and who I am married to- should this really be anything but what should have been expected of me?"

Dumbledore frowned. "Well, you did get the houses to bust out singing in perfect harmony- and the Slytherins as well."

"See? Unity, if only I had thought if it earlier."

Dumbledore nodded. "I'm not too sure about painting the house elves blue and calling them the 'Blue Elves Group'."

"But they are so good at it sir," Harry exclaimed. "Especially with Dobby as their lead," Harry smiled at his fond memories.

"Or having a group of students walking down the halls and someone screaming 'duck and cover'," He smiled. "Though I have to admit, when I saw that, it did make me laugh, I never thought Filch had it in him to be so fast."

"Oh," Harry chuckled. "He's a hidden bomb of energy; you just have to know how to get it out of him." Harry smiled. "You could fuel a third world country with all his pent up energy."

The Headmaster coughed and looked at Harry through his half moon spectacles. "Anyway, tone it down a bit would you? I will let you off the hook this time," he pointed again to his head. "But no more of this."

Harry puckered his lips, muse. "I will see to it that doesn't happen again my-"

Dumbledore narrowed his eyes.

"Headmaster," Harry smirked and headed for the door.

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I wonder if people like this. I saw someone added this to their Story Alert, for that, I thank you.

Review if you have a moment- leave some practical joke ideas :D


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